Oh yes…

*SPOILERS GALORE*

Oh. My. God. 

I can’t believe what I’ve just seen. You know that funny feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you’re nervous and delighted at the same time? That. Just…That. I suffered through the entire Scream Awards broadcast on SpikeTV for the sole purpose of seeing the new Watchmen footage, and it didn’t disappoint. But this is me, after all, and it’s impossible for me to discuss something this momentous without a list. Joy.

Five Reasons The New Watchmen Footage Rocks

5) Manhattan’s huge hand shattering through the glass roof to pwn Ozymandias. I still can’t get over how absolutely glorious he looks. Magnificent and awe-inspiring, but still toeing the line between reality and fantasy. If the American Superman existed, he would look just like this.

4) The Silk Spectre. I’m actually kind of a Laurie fan (which is weird, considering my low opinion of so many “butt-kicking” women in fiction), and I adored every second she was onscreen. My favorite moment was when she threw what I assume to be the bottle of Nostalgia away on Mars. Something about the passion in her eyes. 

3) “God help us all.” I know it was in the teaser, but seeing the Comedian deliver it, world-weary and jaded, was just heart-wrenching. Poor bastard.

2) Dan and Laurie kissing as the atomic bomb goes off in the background. It gives me a lot of hope that they’ll keep some of the iconography from the book.

1) Once again, the list is topped by Rorschach. I was doing okay during most of the footage, managing only a few muffled shrieks into the pillow I was holding to my face. Then they gave me the scene of Rorschach leaping from the burning apartment, past the neon sign, moments before he’s unmasked. I swear to you, I got tears in my eyes. My roommate thinks I’m insane, but that’s always been one of the most emotional parts of the comic for me. I can’t wait to see Jackie Earle Haley in action.

And Now, The Downside

1) Okay, the thing about the squid (or lack thereof) has been all over the internet lately. It’d be very like Zach Snyder, who is by all accounts, a fandom-savvy guy, to use a fake ending for a screening. But on the other hand, it’s kind of an elaborate scheme. You’d have to straight-up shoot another ending all for the sake of keeping something that’s been common knowledge for 20 years a secret. Yeah. So I’m gonna say that the whole “framing Manhattan” thing is for reals. I don’t mind as much as I thought I would, either. I mean, I love the squid, don’t get me wrong, but if I’d never heard of this book before and I sat through a gritty, “Nolanesque” comic book film and then suddenly had a genetically engineered psychic squid thrown at me, I’d be a tad pissed off. The audience wouldn’t buy it for a second. As long as the nuclear device (whatever its exact nature) serves the same narrative purpose, I’m okay with it. The only issue I have is that if Manhattan is framed by Ozymandias, they don’t get to have their conversation at the end of the book. The “did I do the right thing” conversation. Damn it. 

2) I know I mentioned this in my last Watchmen fangasm, but it’s been confirmed that Nite Owl’s despairing scream in the snow is on account of Rorschach’s death. Which means he sees it happen. Which means Rorschach doesn’t die alone. Which means Emily is going to go sulk for a while. (If they must do this, then they have to develop the relationship between Nite Owl and Rorschach to a much greater extent than Moore does in the book. And while this makes the slash fan within me squeal with glee, I’d be willing to sacrifice all that glorious subtext, if it would prevent cheesy “buddy” scenes. God, Zach, please get this right.)

(The fact that it’s totally harmless means absolutely nothing to me.)

This is kind of a retarded, fluffy post, but it’s late, I’m overloaded on South Park, and just so damn happy. I miss Chamanda so much; this weekend really is going to be like going home.

♥

*gasp*

I’ve been wanting to share this picture for some time though. I have no idea who drew it, or where it originated. It’s just one of those things that springs full-formed out of the Internet, like Athena from the head of Zeus. Or something.

Is that not the best thing you’ve ever seen in your life? Or at least in the top five?

Push it all aside and revel in the she-love. 

Look!

+++

Okay, I have a confession to make. And it would probably be best if I got it off my chest before I launch into a heartfelt speech. Because that’s exactly what you want at a wedding, right? Someone who tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. 

Anyway, here it is, my dark secret: relationships terrify me. Seriously. I mean, all the phone calls and the possibly-not-reciprocated “I love you”s, and the “I’ll-let-you-know-everything-about-me-if-I-can-know-everything-about-you” fine print? Yeah. Just talking about it is enough to make me want to crawl under my bed and never come out. 

But we’re not here to talk about my emotional infancy, or my crippled attempts to become more sociable. We’re here to celebrate the marriage of the two people whose relationship scares me the least. And honestly, thats some pretty high praise.

I don’t know much about love. To me, that’s something that exists in the pages of books, or the last ten minutes of Casablanca. Having an active imagination doesn’t exactly qualify me to give you advice for your life together. So I’m going to quote someone much wiser than I am. 

William Blake once wrote: “Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell’s despair.”

Take those words to heart. 

You guys love each other. I know you do. Still, “‘til death do us part” is a long time, and the love we’re used to in this world is ships passing in the night, a silver tea set that lets us play house for a while, but eventually tarnishes. There’s not a whole lot of room for building a Heaven in Hell’s despair.

But sometimes those passing ships manage to find a harbor, and to drop anchor next to the twinkling lights of the dock. Those times are rare, but you’d be a fool not to treasure them.

And if we’re going to stick with the ship analogy, I don’t want to see Amanda sailing the turgid waters of life alone. Same with Chad. Ancient cartographers used to mark the unknown areas of their maps with the legend “Here There Be Monsters”. They were right. The world’s a big place and frankly, there are a lot of monsters. You two have a much better chance of vanquishing them together.

Insofar as its in my black little heart to love, I love you guys. I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world.